If you've ever paddled or swam or motored on an Ontario lake in the summer, you know there are two kinds of enthusiasts sharing our water ways. There are those who espouse the serenity of an early morning paddle on a still lake with the mist floating ever so gently off the water. And then there are those who love to roar around and across and ever which way over the lake in a large motor boat with skiers and tubers dragging behind.
Each group represents the great divide in this country and it has nothing to do with French or English. It goes like this:
Canoeists have nicely trimmed beards or are clean shaven. Motor Boaters have mustaches.
Canoeists enjoy conversations with their neighbours. Motor Boaters enjoy annoying their neighbours.
Canoeists like to spend time with wildlife. Motor Boaters shoot wildlife.
Canoeists reflect. Motor Boaters deflect.
Canoeists paddle at slow speeds for no particular reason. Motor Boaters bomb around the lake at high speeds for no particular reason.
Canoeists read big books. Motor Boaters read short manuals.
Canoeists chop wood with an axe. Motor Boaters split wood with a motorized splitter.
Canoeists don't use Viagra. Motor Boaters invented Viagra.
Canoeists enjoy fishing. Motor Boaters are too busy driving their machines around their property but they own the best rods and reels money can buy just in case.
Canoeists vote for anyone not a conservative. Motor Boaters ... well, you know.
Canoeists wear Khaki shorts. Motor Boaters never wear shorts.
Canoeists enjoy birds flying through the sky. Motor Boaters enjoy birds in the oven.
I'm just sayin'.